http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums General self-help and discussion about OCD en Wed, 08 Sep 2010 00:15:09 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33673&goto=newpost Wed, 08 Sep 2010 00:10:43 GMT So I just remembered 2 years ago when I was drunk and was speaking with some of my mates and these two girls were there who were like showing off,... So I just remembered 2 years ago when I was drunk and was speaking with some of my mates and these two girls were there who were like showing off, slaggy and annoying and like we were joking about and I showed them how to punch like in wrestling where you put one hand on their head, and hit your fist on your own hand. I did this and then the girl was like "owwww", and I was like "wait let me do it properly" and did it again and she was like "owww" and my mate saw her crying like a minute or so later.

Looking back I feel like I did it on purpose because she was annoying me. My mate said it was quite hard, I think I meant it as a joke but if i think too much I feel like it was on purpose.

My mate jokes me with oh your a woman beater, he seems half joking half serious. I feel really bad about it all.
I used to be a huge asshole when I got drunk, now I rarely do get drunk and when I do I'm chilled.
Someone else said she was being a baby but they always defend me. It didn't knock the girl over at all but that's hardly the point is it? ]]> ILML http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33673 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33666&goto=newpost Tue, 07 Sep 2010 19:31:00 GMT I think my OCD most likely has a part in this, but ever since I was young it always took a real long time for me to fall asleep. It would always take... I think my OCD most likely has a part in this, but ever since I was young it always took a real long time for me to fall asleep. It would always take me atleast an hour! I would be lying in bed and would constantly be thinking of things. Not good or bad, and nothing axiety related, just always thinking about whats been going on with my day or whatever.

I remember being young and hearing my parents go to sleep after me, and the second they lie down, a minute later I hear them snoring! I can't even believe how at rest their mind is to do that!

I suppose because are minds are always active and on overdrive all the time is why its hard to sleep! ]]> element506 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33666 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33665&goto=newpost Tue, 07 Sep 2010 19:18:03 GMT Hello, I am a 19 year old and for as long as i can remember at random intervals i become obsessed with certain thoughts (ideas) that induce... Hello, I am a 19 year old and for as long as i can remember at random intervals i become obsessed with certain thoughts (ideas) that induce depression and anxiety. Also, I have a habit (could be seen as a compulsion) of at times of theses thoughts to peel skin from the sides of my fingers, right beside the nails.

However, I have never been to a doctor about this and have been wonder, if necessary, what type of doctor do i have to go to for this? ]]> AAkbar http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33665 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33664&goto=newpost Tue, 07 Sep 2010 18:46:58 GMT My great uncle is. I have a few cousins on the same side of the family that have some issues. Two have faced legal troubles because of it. I talk... My great uncle is. I have a few cousins on the same side of the family that have some issues. Two have faced legal troubles because of it.

I talk to myself, lol. Just stuff like, "Hmm, that reminds me of when ___ said ___." while I'm watching tv while everyone else in the house is either gone or busy for like 2 or 4 hours. I think it's to block out my OCD thoughts by thinking out loud but I don't know. Because I noticed at night when I turn the tv off, I'm alone with my thoughts, and it's scary. I actually had to sleep in my living room last night. I'm known as a shy person.

Plus I have this irrational thought that one of my loved ones is going to betray me really bad. I also have another irrational thought that someone (like my crush, someone whose never been to my house, etc.) is watching me when I'm at home. Then that plays into me "thinking out loud" like, I gotta say something cool just in case someone is hiding somewhere in a closet waiting to surprise me. That's where the thought, am i schizophrenic comes in. I also think: this is the worse one, that my parents aren't my actual parents despite looking exactly like them. Then I pick out features in other people, including celebrities, that I same with them and wonder.

Please help. I don't know if this is my OCD or something entirely different. Be brutally honest. ]]> ilikedance http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33664 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33659&goto=newpost Tue, 07 Sep 2010 16:29:53 GMT Ok, I am shaking as I write this because I am terrified someone will say its a real concern. I have always had a fear of rabies. Check and recheck... Ok, I am shaking as I write this because I am terrified someone will say its a real concern. I have always had a fear of rabies. Check and recheck my dogs vaccinations. 3 months ago exactly my daughter saw a small cat in a tree and asked to help it down. I said ok, THE CAT LOOKED FINE! I would never let her near one that looked sick. A woman was walking her dog at the time and I asked her the cat look ok, and she said yes well taken care of. It scratched he a little on the neck but did not even break the skin. No bite. He was a little guy sweet. stayed in her arms after she got him down. Then I realized he had no collar. We live in the suburbs not a rural area most of the house cats run around without collars. But I panicked.
Called a med hotline, they said you can only get rabies by being bite and they cat would look sick. Two days later I found the cat with a neighbor she said he is fine and had his shots. Greats. 2 weeks later I began to doubt, called the town, no rabid animals in the area at all. But now 13 weeks later I am still scared! What if I was wrong, what if I found the wrong cat, what if it looked sick and I did not notice. How long do I have to worry. Would my 90lb be sick by now? Everything I read said you would be able to tell the cat was rabid and you have to be bit, she was not. I read different things on incubation in humans and I am so scared please tell me this is my ocd making my mind crazy. I can not take it. ]]> logan84 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33659 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33657&goto=newpost Tue, 07 Sep 2010 14:15:20 GMT I am having a rough time this weekend because a) I tend to suffer more when I travel (i.e. break w/ my routine), b) when the seasons change, and c)... I am having a rough time this weekend because a) I tend to suffer more when I travel (i.e. break w/ my routine), b) when the seasons change, and c) when holidays and personal times of celebration enter the picture, like my birthday. Just this weekend I traveled to celebrate my b-day with my family as the seasons were beginning to change, and I feel absolutely crazy. But this too shall pass, provided I choose to approach it as I always do. It is still hard though, and it helps to post about it on here where others can see it and read it and know about it. It helps to know you are not alone.

I love when fall comes around so much. It is my favorite season. But it also brings with it a certain melancholy, and seems to bring to the surface the darker things that are at the bottom of the lake of my mind. ]]> Captain OCD http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33657 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33650&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 22:50:21 GMT Greetings,

My name is Fredrick. I'm 31 years old and have been suffering from OCD ever since I can remember. However, it wasn't until my late 20s when I started to realize that this is getting out of hand.

My OCD seems to revolve around the computer and/or purchasing anything new that I like. For instance, I'm hellbent on the idea of staying "pure", "new", and "fresh". If something that I dub as "bad" happens to my computer, I feel the need to sell it and start fresh. The crazy thing is this: my idea of "bad" is absolutely stupid.

EXAMPLE: I've sold at least 10 different computers within 1 month of buying each. Each computer I sold had a different story. I had sold 3 of them because I didn't like the cashier's name on my receipt. These little instances should mean nothing, yet they bother me so bad to the point where I obsess about it until I feel noxious. I pace around and keep thinking about it. I hate it so much. I feel as if the entire computer is tainted because it has someone's name other than my own on the receipt.

Also, I used to be a web designer. However, I can't even do that anymore. If I make a simple error in coding, I'll go beyond the norm. Instead of just fixing the error, I'll start the entire project over again. It's gotten to the point where I can't finish anything.

I just had an episode today. I've been without a computer for some time now. However, I've been wanting to play the new Call of Duty game that is about to release this Nov. I figured that I would try my luck by building another computer. However, this is much easier said then done. Here is my little rulebook that I can't seem to break:

#1. I can't purchase anything online. I feel that if I purchase this with my credit/debit, the record of things that I had purchased in the past will taint my new computer.

#2. I must pay in cash - in the exact amount down to the penny.

#3. I must collect every piece of store paperwork, e.g., bags, store ads, employment applications, credit applications, anything that is handed out to the public. This is horrid, as I will end up selling everything I just bought if I find out that I missed some piece of worthless paper.

#4. I must be untraceable. I can't give my name, address, email, or anything. Sometimes that cashier will fight with me for the info, yet I kindly insist to desist. This is also embarrassing.

Anyways, back to my computer-buying episode. I picked out all the components and directed myself towards the cashier. I figured that it would be easier to explain my situation to the cashier. As embarrassing as it was, I told her very briefly of my problem and how I needed to do things in a certain way. She was very kind about it. They usually are.

It got to the point where she was about to provide me with my cash total. I always make sure to have a good supply of pennies, nickels, and dimes so that I can pay with an exact amount. However, my total was 1870.34. I had only 100s & 50s on me. I asked if she could trade me five 20s for one of my 100 bills - so that I can make the sale exact. She couldn't because I had to pay in order for her to open the register.

My head is swirling, as I know that if I pay with a "tainted" amount, I'll end up returning the whole damn thing next week. I think the cashier saw the disappointment in my face. She ended up flagging down a nearby manager and asked her to trade my hundred bill for five twenties. The manager was clearly confused and looked at me like I was a complete idiot. The manager was checking my bill to make sure it wasn't counterfeit (understandable) - people are looking and it was embarrassing. However, I was determined to make this transaction a successful one.

Anyways, all goes well and I end up paying an exact amount. However, I notice on the receipt that she had forgotten to scan a single item in my requested order. I smile, pretend nothing is wrong (like usual), and make my journey home - preparing to take back this computer tomorrow. I'm now obsessing about it. I can't think about anything else. I can barely concentrate on what I'm now typing.

----

I hate this so much. Whenever I find my exit plan (making everything perfect), a new hurdle pops up in my face. It never ends. For instance, I had just thought that if I did indeed purchase the computer with absolutely no receipt problems or box dents, I'll never got to enjoy that "fresh" & "untainted" feeling, as my new obsession revolves around my Internet Provider's assigned IP addresses. If they keep a record of all my assigned IP addresses, I'll forever be tainted no matter what I do. Everything will then become linked to me, as Comcast has my Social Security #, which links the world to everything that I've ever done.

The crazy thing is the fact that I'm trying to hide my identity, as if I have something to hide. I'm just a normal guy with a pretty standard past - nothing out of the ordinary. I have no reason to want to hide, yet I feel my past is something that I want nothing to do with.

----

I don't go through this when dealing with crap I don't truly care for, e.g., groceries, food, gas, etc. It only bothers me with stuff that I love to do...

I play drums. I want to purchase an electronic drum kit. There is one that I really like at musiciansfriend.com, yet I cannot buy it because I can't allow myself to be tainted with an old email, address, or credit card. The kicker is this: The same kit is at a local store for $500 more than the online price, yet I'll still purchase it from the store.

I've read OCD books and I totally fit the bill. I've never spoken to a professional about my problem. From all the research I've done on this subject, I feel that I know what he or she will say. I feel helpless & tainted.

Ugh. What can I do? ]]> fredrick http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33650 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33649&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 21:38:30 GMT First of all my english isn't perfect,but i hope you understand what i am writing to you.


I had it all,at the age of 13 my mother atempted suicide,that was one of my major traumatic events.But even before my OCD(only obsessions) was harming me.Here i will try to examin my journey


1:age 8-13
It was easy back than,the ocasional "am i a homosexual" and "will somebody die?"thoughts when talking to someone,but it all changed after that

2:13-15
Seing my mother almost dead in my arms started the REAL anguish,after that life became meaningless,the only people that i had in my life where a fiew friends,i exagerated our friendship so much that in the endi i was told that i am to "perfectionist" and that i am wierd...

3:15-17
Not having any friends anymore i began,i mean i exagerated even more with the computer,playing 7 hours a day,even more!It was all i knew,an alternate universe,where everything is perfect.The thoughts where still there,but not so severe,my distraction of life helped me not to go insane.This is where i've made a girlfriend,and of course i exagerated our relationship way to much.and ended up by her dumping me.My porn addiction became extreme,and after that my search for the answers.

4:17
After months of "why?" and searching on the internet,everything from social dynamics,to pick up,how to seduce girls....i knew EVERYTHING and the one thing i wanted was redemption,to go out there and seduce the most beutifull girls i know,not because i trully wanted,just to show my ex GF(which i saw on the street with another guy,it just made my OCD go crazy...)that i can do it,i am better than her and i deserve more.after trying so badly and giving up,and a suicide ettempt(cuz life is meaningless)it only became wors,for 1 month or so i became actually crazy,every day at least 7-8 hours of obsessions and the most disturbing thoughts and images imaginable(and believe me,this is not an understatement)this is the time when i found out of that i have OCD,i tryed profesional help but here in my country doctors don't even know what OCD is.


5:18 years old
when i turned 18,while i had a really bad OCD day i prommised myself,at night,just before i my birstay that the next year i won't be here,i won't be all alone without friends and with all this nothingness in my life.so i wanted change!yess!!i was stong,i wanted to do something,i knew what and i knew how,but...i didn't.I found out that i have a for of bipolar to,not actually sure,but there are times when i feel i can move mountains,and there are times when i just want to die...i wrote 1 book,several shorts stories,and i have ideas that could last me 5 years of writing but...procrastination has takin it's tool,why should i do anything?i will do it later


6:now

After a week of thinking what and how to do,i still can't do anything,scool starts in 1 week and it only will be worse.after all i've been to,not in real life,but in my mind,i don't know where i'm heading.I need a change so desperately but don't know what to do.It seems like everything is holding me down,i feel like taking my backpack and going into the world,maybe something will change...i don't know,but like this i can't live anymore!Every day my thougths and images make me a little bit crazy,but it isn't as bad as it was,now what really hurts me is the inability to do SOMETHING when i know that i can.i see as my life flyes near me,i see myself die every minute of the day,but i just don't care,i don't know what to feel,what to say...i don;'t know why i am writing this and what am i expecting from you dear reader,what i know is that his has to end,one way or another!

Thank you for reading! ]]> robizeratul http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33649 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33648&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 21:01:30 GMT So, I'm trying my best to stop ritualising and doing my compulsions as much, or really trying to limit them...and I go and get infected with threadworms...I know it's gross to talk about but ugh...what a way to trigger a whole new bout of OCD...cos you have to be obsessive about hygiene so you don't keep getting reinfected and I don't know when I'm going over the top...I took one tablet, took hygiene precautions only to have them come back 2 weeks later, and now they are back again...I feel so disgusting and horrible and freaked out...I just want to be rid of them for good!!! ]]> Ceriane http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33648 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33646&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 15:32:05 GMT Hi all, Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for putting up with my many threads, posts, and general misery - you guys have helped me out when... Hi all,


Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for putting up with my many threads, posts, and general misery - you guys have helped me out when I have had no one else to turn to.

I was re-reading Dr Phillipson's article 'I Think It Moved' yesterday with my Mum (who seems to be finally coming round to the idea that yes, I might have OCD). She pointed out the part that says that we as a society have been taught to believe that relationships should be endless fireworks and fairytales. I kind of thought I always knew that, but now I am sitting next to my sleeping boyfriend, and coming to the conclusion that maybe I don't know as much as I think I do.

So I have a question for the people here who do not have ROCD, and are in relationships - does it eventually become a partnership rather than a romance?

I'm realising that I'm expecting to be gazing endlessly at pictures of my boyfriend and thinking about him constantly - which is maybe not going to happen when you've been together for three years. But I'm finding now that I feel like his partner - we're best friends, with all the added benefits of a relationship, and we support each other in everything we do. I crave making him happy, and feel like we've become so much closer - I want to make an effort for him, but I don't feel like I need to be super-happy and dressed up to the nines for him all the time. I know I could live the rest of my life with him and be perfectly happy.

Are we just progressing to the next stage of a healthy relationship?

I realise this must come across as reassurance-seeking, but it's a genuine question. My parents have had such an unhappy relationship that I'm just not sure what a healthy relationship is. I'm not expecting any answers to take the thoughts away - this is my obsession, and I can see that it will keep coming at me until I learn to tackle it properly, and once I'm done with this obsession it will probably come back as something else unless I learn to deal with the core problem. I'm just keen to hear other people's views, who have perhaps got a more realistic view of what a relationship is than me.

Thanks for reading this. :) ]]> chronic http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33646 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33645&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 14:27:10 GMT Ever since I have begun cymbalta about a month ago my obssessional thoughts have worsened. I cannot read or enjoy anything I love doing normally.... Ever since I have begun cymbalta about a month ago my obssessional thoughts have worsened. I cannot read or enjoy anything I love doing normally. Almost two weeks ago I had another spike and now I fear I have evidence I really am mad or acting on automatism. My harm o is extending to strangers even, I feel urges to hit out at times even at people twice the size of me just not because I want to, but because I dont want to, and almost because it is wrong my brain throws the images at me with more speed. Almost 2 weeks ago I was sitting about to watch something with my best friend and I was feeling quite panicky and wound up as I was ruminating over some other ocd spikes I had had that day and my blood sugar was pretty low (just through poor diet and eating disorder). I wanted to pick up a dvd lying near us and my way was clear to pick it up, then my friend didnt see me and moved and I had this thought 'uh oh, I know what may happen' as though I knew I would knock into her then I am having difficulty recalling everything, but I'm sure I recall looking at the back of my hand as I moved thinking oh it may knock her so I dont want my knuckles to knock into her, then I had a thought about actually what if I gave a blow, something like that that is very hazy, and I predicted that my hand would knock her back, but I felt like I wanted it to, but that it was the sort of thing I wouldn't really act on. Then my hand actually missed or I thought it did and next thing I knew the back of my hand did knock her, quite hard on the arm. I just looked at her in surprise and she didnt seem to notice, and when I apologised she just shrugged it off obviously percieving things as an accident as we are very close and she knows I am a gentle harmless person but I keep thinking is it turning out that I am not? I was blank for days following this, but have been staying in bed for almost an hour at a time ruminating about it. I feel so frightened when I consider things and images are returning to me though I am not sure whether they are real or not. I keep thinking that I might have acted on automatism, and have been researching it, and hypopglycaemia, but it only makes me more nervous. I am not an aggressive person, and I worry that I am becoming a devil, that these thoughts are hounding me until I give in. I can't discuss with my friend about my ocd as she knows I have it but thinks mine is lock checking and so on only, and doesnt really know about other forms. When my hand reversed back it just happened I didn't even have a thought, I don't know whether I am possessed or just clumsy. I am also wondering whether ssri's are the best thing for me as they make me feel so out of control. I just need to get to the bottom of things, I have tried praying which helped a little, but feel I need to be punished. I am a bit ashamed to say I scalded my fingers the other day and felt great afterwards as I deserve it. I havent self harmed since a teenager and have controlled myself since the other day. I have valium but it always makes me feel worse when it wears off so I have avoided it. ]]> Bluerose http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33645 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33642&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 13:27:18 GMT I've had a new spike hit me over the weekend and it's completely knocked me for six. I'm not used to a completely new obsession hitting me out of nowhere. Normally my obsessions are variations around the same kind of theme. This one is really tormenting me and I need some advice.

Basically it's the idea that whenever I talk to someone and make eye contact with them, I'm concerned all of a sudden that I might be looking at them too much. Maybe staring, or maybe I'm not looking enough if I then try the opposite of not looking. Obviously this is then triggered whenever someone looks at me and talks to me. I find myself feeling like I'm caught in the headlights, my mind goes completely blank, I can't focus on what I want to say or what the other person is saying because my brain is going "are you staring, don't stare, don't stare, look away now, no you shouldn't have looked away then" at 200 mph. It's really getting me down.

I've had to stop my phone therapy with my therapist at Dr. Phillipson's clinic due to financial reasons but I'm thinking I need to start it up again because this is interfering with my whole life now.

Chris ]]> evolve http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33642 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33640&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 12:53:57 GMT I thought I would post this thread because recently I have come across a band which has really reached me on a deep level, and I believe it is... I thought I would post this thread because recently I have come across a band which has really reached me on a deep level, and I believe it is possibly the type of music that can reach alot of people going through suffering. The name of the band is Red and their music is really profound and moving. I just thought this would help some people out there, really check it out, and tell me what you think. Their latest album is the best, I think. ]]> Sylas http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33640 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33629&goto=newpost Sun, 05 Sep 2010 21:13:46 GMT Hi guys/girls,

Looking for some help, I haven't been diagnosed with OCD and the medication I'm on right now doesn't seem to be helping, I sit in my room and constantly think "What if this isn't OCD and I need to deal with this issue", "What if the medication doesn't make me better because I don't have OCD and I really am having a crisis"..

But then every few minutes a month I get a moment where I can think clearly and I can see that I have nothing to worry about, that I'm not having a crisis, but then once again the thought "What if this isn't OCD, what if this is just a moment of denial"

Does this even sound like OCD or the ramblings of a maniac? ]]> Pixied http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33629 http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33625&goto=newpost Sun, 05 Sep 2010 14:14:47 GMT Having acted like a miserable idiot in my last post, and with the help of guiltbabe, I've picked myself up again.

I'm getting really confused about what exposure actually is. I originally thought it was about exposing yourself to certain activities that make you anxious - for instance, I used to be anxious about going out without my boyfriend, so I kept doing that, and that seems to be more under control.

The thing I don't understand is how to use exposure with my thoughts, which is my main problem. I find the worst times for me are the times when I am at home, as I am most likely to seek reassurance from my Mum, and I spend a lot of time on my own whilst the rest of my family are busy. I think this is why weekends are particularly difficult for me.

I am trying to just allow the thoughts to be there without giving them any response other than 'maybe that's true, but I am staying with my boyfriend whatever happens' - is this in itself exposure? I find that I am getting a great deal of anxiety from it, because of course it immediately opens up the questions of 'what if that's wrong?', but I keep saying it. I am just unsure whether telling myself that I am staying with my boyfriend is reassurance or exposure?

Also, I have heard that you are meant to get your anxiety up to its full volume for exposure - should I be doing that with the thoughts, or just continually say 'Maybe that's true...'?

Thoughts and advice please - I am seeking help from Dr Phillipson's centre, but until then, I am on my own with my workbook (Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts) and I am getting confused with that too. ]]> chronic http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/showthread.php?t=33625