Mental checking

[heidi]

I feel like a bit of a failure writing this after doing so well but I could really do with some advice today.

After 14 years of hell my ocd (pocd) has almost completely gone, I still have occasional spikes and the very occasional intrusive thought/image but for the most part it really doesn't bother me.
What I'm stuggling with at the moment is the mental checking I still find myself doing in times of stress. I had a really horrible dream last night (unrealted to my ocd) so this morning I felt a bit anxious, as I imagine most people would after a nasty dream. But rather than shake it off and carrying on with my day I've been checking every thought for signs of being a P and getting more anxious by the minute. I should point out that my logical brain knows that me being a P is impossible but it doesn't stop the checking. It's so frustating, especially as I'm not used to this level of anxiety anymore.

Does anyone know how to stop this? Or how to deal with it when it happens? Or just understand what I mean?
xx

(No Longer a Siad Member)

General post was here..

[HighonLife]

Hey Heidi,

I remember reading a message from you some weeks ago, it was full of wisdom and good advice. Don't doubt that you are handling things in the right way.
I find that a dream can make you start obsessing about something very easy. After you recollect the dream you start analyzing automatically and then the question arises, why did I have this dream, Is it important? It's easy to get carried away, just remember it's only a dream.
I use acceptance in getting better, I find that one of the best things about it is that you can accept everything you want, the only thing you have to remember is to accept. So when you notice your mental checking, accept that you still do this, accept that you don't know how long you will do it, accept that you don't intent to do it. Try to remember that everything comes and goes, so will your awareness of mental checking.

Hope I made some sense, cheers

[Londonboy]

Heidi, just apply what you did previously to any thoughts about you being a peadophile.

You must have been doing something right if the disorder has been reduced as much as you say.

* as a side note; i will say that I personally got over the mental checking by doing exposures. They seemed to stop my brain looking for answers.

[heidi]

Thanks for the responses, sometimes it's just nice getting it all out to people who understand!

Aussie-o I really hope I never find myself in that same dark place ever again, it's possible it could happen but never to the same degree as I know what I'm dealing with now (although I'll always have my ocd doubts but that comes with the territory)

Highonlife thanks hun It did me good to read your advice, especially as acceptance is one of the first things I forget when I'm gripped by anxiety like I was this morning. Actually I forget most things when ocd takes over like that so it's good to be reminded.

Londonboy, what exposures did you do? I'm really glad you got over this kind of checking as it's working out to be the most stubborn compulsion for me. Gives me hope and a dose of courage to battle it if you had the same and got over it.
xx

[partlycloudy]

heidi!

you were a real inspiration on this board, and i still think of you and how brave and strong you have been.

ocd is a lifelong thing, so i think it's quite natural to have vestiges that hang around even when we've made such progress. the fact that you are aware you have a compulsion that's hung around and are being proactive about it - that's great.

along with exposures, you might try an added dose of compassion for yourself. it's easy to get frustrated when a bit of ocd pops up from the trash heap, but remember, this is how your mind dealt with anxiety for so long. in its own misguided way, it's doing its best to help you out.

you recognized that your checking started after an upsetting dream, so in a situation like that, you can be compassionate with yourself and say "my mind is doing its best to deal with this anxiety." step back and observe what it is doing, and introduce your own way of dealing with the anxiety - taking some deep, conscious breaths, going for a slow walk or something else positive.

we have to be gentle with our minds and our ocd. it is acting instinctively, and our job is simply to redirect and teach it a better way. and it is a lifelong learning process - we can take it bit by bit and enjoy the process!

[heidi]

Partlycloudy I often think about you too, you helped me sooo much back then with your calm comforting posts I'll never know how to thank you. How are you doing? Hope you're ok.

I've just spent the last hour reading over my posts from last year, I don't know if that's a good thing for my ocd but it's really given me the impetus to drive forward with this. NO MORE CHECKING! I did manage to stop for a while even when I was stressed so I must be able to do it again, I just need to re-learn how.
xx

[partlycloudy]

thank you heidi - that means so much to me.

i'm doing really well now. i decided to take the plunge and started on zoloft last year, and it has been wonderful for me. it is so much easier to weather the ups and downs of life - i feel like i am able to learn much more and experience much more!

i'm also applying to law school! i just took the entrance exam on saturday and am keeping my fingers crossed. i don't think i would have imagined that a few years ago.

i still fall into the old worries, and i'm pretty sure i always will! but now we both can see through the ocd and see that it does not define us, although it is an interesting part of us!