How do i get rid of OCD

[desmond]

In My Own World, my OCD is very similar in the themes. I understand the delima of this, since even though the anxiety is caused by OCD, part of what we are anxious about is very real and not just an illusion. Part of it is something physical that we truly want to literally avoid outside of us, rather then just avoiding the thought of it itself. The anxiety comes from the exposure itself, and feeling that we have no control anymore. It's perfectionism really. We believe that nothing bad, even the slightest bad should happen to us. That we should be protected from all of that. We want to be. To accept vulnerability and mediocrity is difficult. The panic is of not being in control. Something taking over you, and you can't stop it.

I think the first step in recovery is admitting to ourselves what is difficult. Yes, like alcoholics they have to admit that they have a problem, but we have to do even more then that and take responsibility for our actions. First, to acknowledge and understand that even though we didn't cause the OCD, we are NOT victims to it. A victim mentality will only serve to keep you a victim. It is self-fulfilling. You have to realize that it is an illusion and doesn't control you, you give in to it, but in reality you are in control of weather you give in to it or not. Like in the movie, The Matrix, you have to free your mind. The simulated world they went into seemed SOOO real that even though it was fake, their minds would kill their real bodies when they died in the fake world. Neo learned how to strengthen his mind enough over the power of the realness of the fake world to control it and not give in to the illusion of it. It is similar. Look at the movie, a Beautiful Mind also. Schizo illusions are even more realistic and vivid then OCD illusions and he couldn't tell the difference between them and reality. Yet, he eventually gained the strength to tell the difference without meds, and while the hallucinations remained, he knew they were not real and resisted them. Or the radiohead video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3ClCwcCvdQ

One thing with at least my type of OCD that I have had to admit to myself is this - Letting go is a decision.

It's not that we "can't" let the feeling/thought/belief go. It's that deep down we don't "want" to let it go. A part of us doesn't, that is. While another part wants to let it go. One part of us just wants to be happy and free and another part of us just wants to be "safe", "secure" and in control. We have a death hold grip on the feeling and compulsion as though our life depends on it. We have a deep fear of letting go of the feeling and belief. It's as though this feeling somehow is a security blanket, this belief. That if we hold on to it and do as it compels us, we will be safe. It is something we falsely believe we have control over in an insecure and uncontrollable universe where we are but a dust speck in the scheme of things, vulnerable to being crushed at any moment. It sometimes feels as though the universe is just one big steam roller, rolling towards us, in it's dead indifference, to grind us limb by limb. OCD is a fear of letting go. The irony is that this very addiction and false illusion of feeling in control of "something" makes us feel so out of control in reality. But it's not that we are out of control of our mind, it's that we are too latched on and attached to being "in" control.

If I think about the possibility of some outside force coming in and telling me that from now on, I will have no choice to be able to do any of the compulsions or control things the way I do, or avoid what I want to etc. - what is the first reaction and thought that comes to my head? It's NOOOOOO, you can't take those things away from me! Like a kid and someone taking away their favorite security blanket or stuffed animal. Tantrum!!!!! O.K. So, we can't completely say that we don't want any of these compulsions and ruminations and at the same time not want to stop doing them and keep doing them. There is a strong driving force and fear inside of us, but we are still the driver. You don't have to listen to the annoying back seat driver (OCD). Just because that back seat driver is annoying the heck out of you, you still have control over the wheel is what I mean. We are not victims to the back seat driver, and in fact they are just annoying and don't even have a weapon. Our estimation of their power over us is what GIVES them their power over us!

"Men are not disturbed by things themselves, but by their opinion of those things."

Observer vs. Evaluator

Practice being just an observer of the world and your thoughts. Mindful observation, beginners mind. "Observers understand that there are no absolutes, and therefore do not draw conclusions of self, others, or processes. Evaluators seek the absolute, which is, at the end of the day, unattainable. They draw conclusions and judge themselves, others, and processes." Stop evaluating your thoughts/feelings and the world around you and just observe, without judgment.

[paradoxer]

Originally Posted by HollyW

Yes it is. It makes me feel less alone in feeling so desperate about it all. When I'm really bad, I simply cannot imagine anyone feeling as much pain as a cause of irrational thought processes. I think one of the worst things about it is that you can't share it with many people and so there's always an element of hiding / acting. If something distressing (externally) happens to someone (for example a loved one becomes ill / they lose their job) and causes them pain, it's easier for that to be validated by those around them. With us, it's often a case of plodding on and smiling, pretending everything is OK. And often beating ourselves up for not being able to "switch off" or effectively manage the thoughts. IT's this having to hide what's often totally consuming me that I find one of the hardest things.

Anyway, went off on a tangent there. Partlycloudy, having a few months of respite sounds amazing! I had that more or less for a couple of months back in the Summer; and that has to be the longest period I've had in about 10 years. With me lately, it's only a few days at most. But fingers crossed that my double dose Prozac will soon really kick in. Woohoo!!



Flyaway, I'd hate it to be a long term thing; but you know what, I've come to accept that this might just be the only way to be well. Oh well!

HollyW there's a lot of truth in what you say about the added pain of having to suffer alone. That's why forums such as this - and OCD groups are so important. One word about the conceit of assuming that one's own variation of OCD is worse than others (I cited this example before - it may have been on this forum) - I remember several years ago when I was at an OCD meeting - one Pure O sufferer said something along the lines of his OCD being worse than (prosaic) handwashers. As a Pure O sufferer myself - I knew at the time that he was wrong - that it's all the same thing - all OCD (though different spikes regardless of their form may vary in intensity) is terrible. My OCD has since morphed into other areas - including handwashing, contamination - and it's done nothing to change my opinion.

[flyaway]

Hi, HollyW,

thanks for sharing your experience of tackling OCD

i've read that st john's wort is only effective for mild OCD, not moderate to severe cases. Actually there are other supplements good for OCD which you could try, like vitamin B6, inositol, GABA etc. there is a whole forum on natural/alternative which u can explore. Also, the following website might interest you.
http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/ocd.htm

I had been on 40mg generic prozac and the drug did manage to reduce some of my distressing ocd symptoms. but there were side effects and after i stopped the symptoms returned.

[HollyW]

I had been on 40mg generic prozac and the drug did manage to reduce some of my distressing ocd symptoms. but there were side effects and after i stopped the symptoms returned.

Flyaway, this actually gives me a bit of hope that things may improve!! As right now, things are terrible. Believe me, I'm aware of the sodding side effects, but for now, I need to get myself and my life back on track.

Thanks also for the info on alternative remedies - don't think I'll be going down this route though..going to concentrate on the Prozac helping me to get myself together.

but, in the past few years, there have been good stretches of time where i have been happy, really happy. for the first time in many years, i think i felt what it is like to be a normal person, and it is pretty great!

Partlycloudy - an optimistic post. I think what you say above is what keeps me going really..the knowledge that there are good times when life is easier and I get to experience a little happiness. Though for me, it's days, months at best. But still, that feeling of knowing what it's like to be normal is brilliant - so liberating!!

I wish everyone luck in getting to grips with their own variant of this horrible affliction.

[FuniXplayXbuni]

No effence to the germ sufferers here, but id ratehr be washing my hand 200 times a day than everytime i look at my b oyfriend or here my phone go off, i think its my ex, i am so low and depressed at the moment, 10 hours a day i have my ex name, face and memories in my mind and its driving me insaneee! I just want to enjoy my current partner who am so in love with, but my mind keeps tellin me i love my ex!! Arghh! I have tried everything nothing seems to be working. This is OUT OF CONTROL!

Anyy thoughts???
x

[sylvia1970]

You know its kinda, funny, as everyone, thinks their obsessions are the worst in the world as it stems from our fears. LOL no offense, funi, but id rather be thinking of my ex, than having phobias about spirituality . You see what i mean, i have also done the hand washing, believe me it is just as upsetting and tortureous. For you , your worst nightmare, is thinking of your ex, and for others it is something else. I think it is all the same though, when it comes to spiking.

[FuniXplayXbuni]

I totally agree, i didnt mean to upset anyone with that post! But id rather have anything in the world than this you no!
But im so scared that its not a fear and its what i want?? If you no what i mean, why does ocd have to make it so hard for you, il try to ignore the thoughts then il look or do something else, and then HELLO my ex is backk! Arghhhh!!!! I want to sleep forever (With no dreams) lol.x

What is spirituality??
x

[HollyW]

But id rather have anything in the world than this you no!

It's funny, but what Sylvia says is spot on - I too can't help but think that my own Pure O variant has to be more distressing than anyone elses. So with you Funi, I'd be tempted to say: "well your obsession is about your ex and getting in the way of you enjoying your current relationship..at least you can get that close to someone in the first place". Because my OCD attacks any relationship I gain anything at all from - I can't even get anywhere near close enough to anyone to form / maintain a romantic relationship.

But! I know objectively that if I were able to do just that, the likelihood would be that my OCD would attack it as it would inevitabley the most important thing to me. The fact that I would be spiking less about friends and work colleagues would be little consolation in the face of a threat to my current relationship.

I'm pretty new to this whole OCD thing, but find it interesting to know that it goes for those areas that are most important to you. That's what makes it so painful and also so powerful as the stakes are so high.

[FuniXplayXbuni]

Hiyah Holly. Its so tough isnt it, you just want to enjoy something so badly but you feel like theres a cloud on top of you and you cant ennjoy and have what you want. Everything i bloady i do i always see my ex, and that makes me feel like i still love him, and my mind always looks back and remembers how i felt about my ex and makes me feel that 4 him now, and i really dont want it there, i just want to enjoy my partner who i love so much, but what about if i do love my ex, why cant i get him out of my head! Arghh. I wish i got amnesia and couldnt remeber everything so icould start my life again!
x

[partlycloudy]

i also think my ocd fears are the worst! it is actually somewhat comforting though to see that everyone here feels theirs are the worst. that's what makes ocd so powerful i guess. but it also shows that in the end, ocd fears are just phantoms, not real.

hollyw, my good stretches are mostly days and months, too. in the bad times, i might have a good day or two, and then i might get a break of a few months - once it was longer. i would like longer good stretches, but for now i am working on really enjoying them for however long they last, even if it's just a moment in the midst of terrors. in my last bad spell, i was walking outside to get to my car, and i just realized suddenly how beautiful it was. and so for just a moment i let myself enjoy it.

in a way, i don't think my ocd has gotten less bad, but my good times have gotten better. i try to let myself be happy even when things aren't perfect, and that lets me find a lot more places to be happy.